Kids, Meet My Mate - The Post-Divorce Chronicles

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For those of us that have been divorced and out in the dating world, we know that it is difficult to find someone that we can not only love but trust enough to feel they are worthy to meet our kids.? One of the questions that I receive most in my coaching practice is, ?When is the right time for my kids to meet my mate??

One thing you don?t want to do is introduce the kids before you or they are ready.? Once your relationship is serious and you know it is going to be long term, sit down with your children and tell them you would like for them to meet your new beau.? If they resist, they aren?t ready.? Don?t force the issue.? The kids have been through enough trauma with the divorce, and they will eventually become curious and want to know this person that you are dating.

Before you introduce your kids, don?t just sit down with your kids, but sit down with your new mate as well.? It is important to set down ground rules.? You will have expectations, as will they, as to how it is going to be when you are all together.? Explain the rules you have placed on your kids and the way you handle them when they misbehave.? Let your beau know if they can reprimand or give the kids candy and treats.? This will avoid conflict within your relationship, and the kids will also see that the new friend is not Walt Disney and the two of you work together as a team.

As a courtesy, let your ex know that you will be introducing the kids to your new mate.? Also, give the ex the opportunity to meet them first. ?This is someone who is spending time with your kids, so it is important that you are not only all on the same page, but that everyone is comfortable with each other.? This also helps if the children go to your ex with questions about your new friend.? They can answer the questions with knowledge instead of being blindsided with not knowing and it helps to keep the peace.

Don?t bring every Tom, Dick and Jane to meet your kids.? In other words, serious, committed and long term should be words that you use when describing your relationship before introducing them to the kids.? The last thing you want is to introduce them to Tom and then when you break up with Tom and bring Dick around, they are still asking about Tom.? This can be confusing to them, and also teaches them that relationships are disposable.

Although it may seem tricky, make the first meeting light and fun.? If the first time doesn?t go well, don?t despair.? There will be plenty of time for everyone to get to know each other.? Take it slow and easy and don?t push.? Eventually, everyone will be happy with the bonus buddies they now have.

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Source: http://www.postdivorcechronicles.com/2012/02/kids-meet-my-mate/

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